Here I am, pondering the word “faded” that is in the daily prompt challenge. So many things fade throughout life, but especially for those who suffer with depression and anxiety.
Anxiety is a force that eats you alive from the inside out. Anxiety creates mayhem in your life and there is no way to solve it on your own, and if you can’t solve it on your own, how can you say you are a strong person? Instead, as time goes on, you fade into the background more and more so that no one else will look at you and possibly see what a mess you are. But what a beautiful mess you are.
Depression – a big dark pit that swallows you whole. Despair and self-loathing are often present. No one like a whiner, so you just bite your tongue and try to act as if being around people doesn’t make you want to run home and cry… or harm yourself. You aren’t allowed to talk about these ideas in society. They are taboo, ungracious, mean, selfish, horrible, not “real” or you are made to understand that it’s all in your head and it’s uncomfortable to others, so you, the one who is suffering, must not talk about it to keep others from discomfort. The longer you go in silence, the deeper the pit becomes. People will tell you that depression, if lifted by someone else, will come back and haunt you worse than before. I’m here to say, that’s wrong. If you can find a way out of that deep dark hell, do it. If you find someone who loves you and makes you love yourself, hang onto them tightly. They just might be able to lift you up onto firmer ground where you can walk on your own two feet again.
When you suffer from one, or both of these ailments, people often think that you are lively and fun. It’s difficult to tell when someone is fading away on the inside because they are so bright and happy on the outside. I’ve been called happy-go-lucky and people have commented on how positive I always am. What they haven’t seen are the panic attacks, rocking myself back and forth as I hyperventilate over the possibility that I might have upset someone I care about. They don’t see the pills I have to take on a daily basis to manage my ulcers that flare up when someone wants to visit my house. Because I know I have a good life, I know I shouldn’t be anxious and that brings on depression. How can you combat both anxiety and depression at the same time? One day at a time. One hour at a time. One moment at a time. Surround yourself with people who understand that you are going to immediately think the worst, and who can keep the real you from fading behind that facade.